to C or not to C?

Samuel called Monday, Mom called Wednesday, and I spoke to my father today. The question of the week has been, “Why haven’t you called your sister?”

And now they’re all disgruntled with me.

The dilemma? The conflict? My oldest sister Lisa, the one with the 15 year old daughter, got a boob job late last week, and I haven’t called. She enhanced herself to a C cup.

When my brother called me a couple of weeks ago and told me that Lisa was getting implants, it didn’t even register. I literally went about my life like I didn’t even hear it. Then he called me on Monday and asked me if I’d called her yet. I asked, “for what?” I had no idea what he was talking about. He said, “Lisa had surgery a couple of days ago you idiot!” I was dumbfounded.

He gave me crap about it on the phone. Basically the whole week went by and I still didn’t call. I couldn’t find it in my heart to do it. So uncharacteristic of me, but I’ve just had no inclination to pick up the phone. Maybe I was processing it. Maybe I was punishing her. Maybe a bit of both.

After having a disagreement on the phone with my dad an hour ago, I now realize that I haven’t called her because that is my passive-aggressive way of showing my disapproval. I didn’t know I was doing it until my dad really laid into me. Once I started explaining myself, I realized that I really don’t respect her decision, especially because of the fact that she has an impressionable 15 year old girl. I was really really upset about the message that she’s possibly sending to Bianca. I feel like our young Black youth are in trouble, especially our girls. I’m really seeing how our society’s perceptions of body image, especially the black woman’s body image and how it is exploited is affecting our girls and how it’s really becoming a determining factor in their behavior. Girls are so much more focused on their bodies and not so much on their abilities (unless the abilities include gyrating).

Just for some background on my sister: she lost a tremendous amount of weight in the last two years. She has been working really hard on her body. She went on some high protein diet, starting hitting the spinning classes 4 times a week and now she’s like a size 2; she used to be like a 14. One of those success stories. She completely changed her life. She commented that after the weight loss, her boobs looked like a pair of old house slippers (how fucking funny is that??), so she decided to do something about it.

So, with that said, I know, intellectually that my sister doesn’t live her life for me and I know it’s her body and she’s doing what she feels she has to do to improve the image she has of herself. I mean, who the fuck am I, right? I know that my feelings about this matter shouldn’t have prevented me from picking up the phone and calling my sister. She had surgery. As a sister, despite my feelings on the issue, I know I should have called her to check on her. I was wrong about that.

My whole family ganged up on me on the phone and laid it into me something serious. So, I rethought everything: yes, I should call her. And maybe I’m being too paranoid about the Bianca thing. Maybe I’m overanalyzing things. Maybe this is not affecting Bianca at all. So, I hung up with my ranting family and picked up the phone and called my sister.

Bianca answered the phone. Lisa wasn’t home. I asked Bianca how her Mom was doing, she grunted, said she was fine. I asked her how her boobs look and Bianca exploded. She was livid. She told me that she told Lisa from the very beginning that she disagreed with this decision but she didn’t listen. She said that the boobs look fake, because one day they weren’t there and now they are. She said that they spent over $6,000 on this surgery and now are claiming that they have no money to buy a replacement of Bianca’s $400 retainer that she accidentally left in a restaurant. She said that she can’t look at her mom the same way anymore and is not sure if she ever will. She has lost respect for her. She said that our family is nothing like this, that we’re natural people with no plastic and that we weren’t raised to be like this. She said that Lisa was influenced by her friends at the gym; they’ve all had boob jobs and many of them had tummy tucks. Yes, homie, Bianca went off.

I was so shocked. After hearing all of this, I realized that I have no idea who my niece is. I really forget how smart she is. This girl is sharp and sees exactly what’s going on. I honestly underestimated her. Also, I kicked myself for allowing my father to make me second guess my instincts. I knew this shit wasn’t right, that this whole thing smelled funny. He was right about me not calling, but he wasn’t right when he was trying to make light of how this was possibly affecting Bianca. He was making me start to think that I was creating problems that weren’t there. I forgot one important thing: my father is a guy. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be a little girl.

If I was a 15 year old and my mom had implants, I could take it two ways: I could think: yes, this is the solution. When you’re not happy with your body, you get surgery. Or boobs will really get guys to notice me and boobs will really help me make it in this world, etc. Or, I could say, I can’t believe my mom did that. What a floozie. Bianca, is the latter category. Bianca is disappointed in her mother. She doesn’t believe that bigger breasts makes one beautiful. And for that, I’m less worried about Bianca than I have been previously because she has analyzed this instead of becoming a product of this. On the other hand, it’s a problem when a girl loses respect for her mother. I think that’s what this has done and I hope that that can be salvaged somehow.

I realized today also that I really should be more involved in my niece’s life. I don’t correspond with her as much as I should and I realized that I have no idea where he head is at. Tonight’s conversation was the most candid conversation I’ve had with her in a really long time. It’s good to know where she is in her analytical thinking. She also shared with me that she is a godmother. I was like what????? Her 14 year old friend just had a baby. She also told me that her other friend, 15, just found out that she is pregnant. Neither of them know who the fathers of their babies are.

If all else in life fails, I know one thing: I can always count on Bianca to give me poems.