the magic of a simple yes

Rene and I had a wonderful morning full of shower acrobatics that you wouldn't believe. I have to mention the shower thing because a couple of weeks ago, when I asked Rene if he wanted to take a shower with me, he said, "no, it's too soon."

Too soon?!! After what we just did on this poor couch?

I thought it a little strange, but people have their boundaries and their unexplainable idiosyncracies and I think it's important to honor them. I wasn't upset or hurt, I just found it interesting how this man could give me his body with such zeal but found it "too soon" in our relationship to take a shower together. Is a shower more intimate than love-making?

I don't feel that way about showers. I'm well aware that showers are an incredibly intimate experience, but I used to take showers with my friend Khalid in college all the time, and we never had sex. It was just our thing. I've also taken showers with a couple of guys that I wasn't all that close to, either because i find shared showers fun, sensual and spontaneous or because it saves time when two people are rushing to get ready. So, i had to realize that the issue of showering is not a major boundary for me.

One of my really good friends in Tuscon, AZ asked her visiting lover if she could look through his wallet. I don't think she was trying to be nosy, she just wanted to learn more about him through what he carries. He ended up getting really offended and refused to let her look inside his wallet. She was like, what? I gave you my body. I showed you all the places that I love. And you won't let me see your stinking wallet? But, that was his boundary. He felt that her looking in his wallet was a special sort of intrusion--even though he may have only had a couple of twenties, a hung-over looking drivers lisence picture, and a couple unclothed sticks of gum. They ended up getting into a big argument about it at the dinner table (yes, they were out to dinner) leaving a dark cloud over the rest of his visit that never went away.

I just find people's boudaries fascinating. Like the hooker who won't kiss on the mouth. Either way, this morning, after working up a good sweat, Rene said he was going to take a shower and asked me to join him. I started blushing so much that I forgot the magic of a simple yes. The shower was exquisite and I don't think he'll ever hesitate taking a shower with me again.

A man that I've never been able to resist came over this afternoon, about an hour after Rene left to go to work. He's a great friend of mine and I love him dearly. He will probably always be in my life and he's definitely one of the most anomalous people that I've ever met. We've been lovers for about 3 years.

Sitting on the couch watching TV and he started feeling me up. He was just trying to get it started, this thing that we usually do. Next thing I knew, my shirt was up as if it was raised by invisible strings. I began to swoon, getting caught up in the moment--then came back to my senses, wiggled my shirt back down, and placed his hand (that was palming my breast like a basketball) onto the safest part of my upper thigh.

He said, "so, your relationship is monogamous?"

I thought about it. Rene and I haven't discussed it. The beautiful thing is that we haven't put any labels on our relationship and he hasn't pressured me to explain what me means to me, or to make our relationship official. But, he calls me baby in that special way, is teddy bear affectionate with me in public, and we went to get HIV tests together. I think he's my boyfriend, but I don't need it verbalized for it to become real. It's real already. I explained all of this to my friend and told him that I'm going to try this for a while. I haven't had a boyfriend since 02.
My friend understood but still yearned for me badly. And I let him.